you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
