I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
