So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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