areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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