so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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