If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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