Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize