I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
