your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
