I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
