i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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