oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
