I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I smell like Dick and happiness
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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