I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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