honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
