Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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