It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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