she peed on how many people?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
