you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
