"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.