Duck Duck Cougar?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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