Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.