She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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