id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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