I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
