Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
