I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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