better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
