I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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