its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
