well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
