I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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