The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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