do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
