my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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