he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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