ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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