drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
