nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
