I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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