Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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