I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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