how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
