we have pet lesbian snakes
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize