great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
