Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!