Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.