You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.