I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE