so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳