Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.