I think my fart just growled at me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in