clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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