Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
