I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When are your genitals available?
I'm like, not good at living.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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