How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
