her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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