Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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