So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
