Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize