Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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