Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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