I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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