The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
