Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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