If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
